1. (video)

[thisonetime]

[The feed comes on, but at first, everything's dark.]

The hell is this?

[Then there's a shot of Ellis's gray eye, and then it pans back out to his face. He's covered in a layer of dirt and various bodily fluids, and beyond that, he's tired and bruised in a few places. The stone ceiling of his barracks room can be seen in the background, and Ellis looks quite perplexed.]

Hello? Anybody out there? This funny little book's talkin' about worlds bein' unmade and records bein' kept and whatnot, but it ain't makin' much sense.

Like, how'm I here if everythin's not made anymore? And hell, you can't unmake shit! My friend Keith tried to unmake a car once, cause he thought it was haunted, but all he got was a broken car and a face full'a burnin' oil. He quit messin' with it after that, mostly 'cause he went blind for like six months. Don't know if it was really haunted or nothin', but I guess anything can happen, after the zombies an' shit...

[Ellis just trails off, then looks around the room. With his free hand, he rubs the space between his shoulder and neck and winces. Getting pounded into the ground by a charger sucks, and he's still aching.

Then, he turns back to the camera and smiles, though it's a little uneasy.]

So, hey, m'name's Ellis. I'm lookin' for Nick, Rochelle, and Coach, if any y'all out there.

[And they had to be, didn't they?]

Comments

[veggie_wolf]

That's...

[Tahlia can think of a million words to describe how bad that is, but she just sits there looking upset and angry.]

That's not how you defend people! Well, the evacuating part is fine but not the...

[She trails off and shakes her head.]

And I thought my world's form of defending the public was bad.

[thisonetime]

[Yeah, Ellis finds that as much as he likes talking, he does not like to talk about this.]

Y'all got sorry gov'ment too? Sad to say, seems pretty common...

[veggie_wolf]

Yeah, my government sticks people who commit any sort of crime, or anything they decide is a crime, in things called Rehabilitation Facilities. For the most part, if you get stuck in one of those, you're stuck in it forever. Unless you're like me, and show up here one day instead.

Why can't there be governments that give us cotton candy and let us ride around on unicorns all day. Is that really so hard?

[thisonetime]

Exactly! They should hire you to work for 'em, you got alla good ideas! I don't think they got anybody in charge'a unicorns or candy yet, s'an open position, I bet.

[veggie_wolf]

I have all of the best ideas! They just can't see my brilliance. Maybe I need to start a campaign to get hired with posters and stickers and everything. No one can resist stickers.

[Tahlia grins at that. At the very least, she knows she can't resist stickers.]

And I'm sure it must be an open position, otherwise someone has really been holding out on me. Probably hoarding all the unicorns and candy for themselves.

[thisonetime]

Shit, girl, you'd get my vote. An' I'd make m'friends vote for you, too. Pretty sure Coach'd like the candy, an' I bet Nick'd like the unicorns no matter how sour the bastard gets. Ro'd like both.

[veggie_wolf]

You and your friends are smart cookies! You guys can have extra candy and unicorns. With four votes in my favor, I can practically taste the victory.

[thisonetime]

Y'need some kinda 'fficial title, though. Since y'came up with it, you should pick!

[veggie_wolf]

Oh yeah, I've got to have an official title! That's how people will know I mean business. Hmmm... I think something like the bringer of happiness or the master of happiness sounds nice. Except it's got to be said in a booming voice or written in all caps. That's how people will know it's serious.

1/3

[thisonetime]

Wait, hold on -

[Then the audio cuts out.]

2/3

[thisonetime]

[BUT THEN! TEXT APPEARS:]

3/3

[thisonetime]

[And Ellis switches right back to audio.]

How's that?

[veggie_wolf]

That's perfect!

[She manages to get out through her laughter.]

I'm going to turn it into a badge and wear it around. I think it will make me very respected.

[thisonetime]

[Ellis can't help a chuckle of his own.] I think so too, Miss Tahlia. And if it don't, well, them's fools for not obeyin' the new Master o'Happiness.

[veggie_wolf]

They are fools! Who doesn't want happiness? Grumpy grumps, that's who. And no one needs grumpy grumps anyway.

[thisonetime]

Amen t'that, girl.

Y'all need a badge or somethin', though, like, so people know on sight. Or, like, a special hat or somethin'.

[veggie_wolf]

A special hat! I didn't even think of that. I can draw smiley faces all over it. Maybe I just need a whole special getup. People will know on sight for sure if I wear one of those.

[thisonetime]

Yeah!

Oh, hey, 'minds me - I heard people talkin' about spare clothes round here, only, they's kinda... weird. Y'could prolly put somethin' real fancy-like together, then errebody'd know.

[veggie_wolf]

Oh yeah, there are some clothes in one of the towers. There like the clothes you would see a few centuries ago. I'm sure there is something there that would make a good master of happiness outfit, like some of those big, poofy collar things.

[thisonetime]

Yeah, yeah, s'what I thought! And you could get a big poofy dress, too, or like - I guess they got suits or some shit, if y'wanted to look real official an' all.

But whatever y'pick, I think ya gotta have a top hat.

[veggie_wolf]

I think I'll try and go for the suit. Too much poofiness will just make people laugh at me, and then no one will take me seriously. I guess laughter is a form of happiness, though, so I'd be doing my job.

Definitely got to get a top hat. That will add a final touch of classiness.